Glimpses

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Shopping Sasha (Write on Edge)





 
Write on Edge  
For Friday, a short challenge. Below are three fairly generic passive phrases. Your goal is to make them active in a short scene, either fiction or non-fiction. You can choose one, two, or all three to play with, but you only have 100 words.

  1. [he/she/I] was devastated by [...]
  2. [feeling] was experienced by [...]
  3. [person/thing] was possessed by [...]





Shopping Sasha

Tailor made for her, every inch of the dress possessed her body. Soft ripples of blue draped her shoulders, plunged just below mounds of creamy flesh, and rested on well rounded hips. Sasha's experience with seduction devastated her prey. 

"I'll take it," she said to the clerk, smoothing long fingers over the fabric.

Her intentions were to have whatever it was she wanted, and tonight she would, over sips of white wine by the Malibu shores. By morning, the slice of property that belonged to Carl Hagean would be hers, for half of what it was worth.

"Perfect," she smiled.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Images used in this blog are either mine, or come from Morguefiles unless indicated otherwise.

26 comments:

  1. Your writing is so descriptive, I almost want to close my eyes while reading to focus on the images!

    Of course, that would hinder my continued reading somewhat, I suppose...

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    1. If you figure that trick out t, we have a whole different writing avenue to peruse! Thank you.

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  2. God, I know that feeling, when you are lucky enough to find a piece of clothing like that. I loved the wonderful description of seduction, self, body as a tool, a means to an end.

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    1. Thank you whispatory... love that name :-)

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  3. Hm, a classic femme fatale. :-) Woe is the man who crosses her path.

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  4. Oh, I like her. And I love the description of that dress, and how she works it.

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    1. Heheh, I'm glad you like her Nancy. She's one I would like to expand... she sounds like she could be interesting to develop.

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  5. I love the idea of seduction and temptation. She certainly had a plan for execution and the confidence to pull it off. Conniving, for sure. Great story.

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    1. Thank you Gina. Confidence she has. I can't help but wonder what might happen to her if she fell in love ;-)

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  6. So many layers of meaning in there. :) FWIW, the second paragraph you switched back to passive voice. Deliberate?

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    1. Not so sure it was deliberate as much as it seems that the subject is her intent, and she is taking direct action toward that desire. If this is passive, can you give me an example of it in active form, and explain to me why it is? Thank you much for the feedback.

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  7. The story captivated right from the start till the end.

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to read it :-)

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  8. Love this! The imagery is perfect.

    My concrit would be re: "Her intentions were to have whatever it was she wanted, and tonight she would, over sips of white wine by the Malibu shores."

    While there's nothing technically wrong with it, I think it would read stronger if it was rephrased, say "She intended to have what she wanted over sips of white wine by the Malibu shores." or something similar. The "whatever" weakens the idea a little, I think.

    Great take on the prompt!

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    1. Thank you Shelton, I like that, and appreciate the concrit immensely.

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  9. She's definitely intriguing trouble. And love the conniving in a blue dress, since such women are almost always painted red or black.

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    1. Thank you Cameron. I think the blue makes it easier for her, don't you? :-)

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  10. I like how the dress possessed her as if it were another character in this scene. Plus working in the other two phrases in the same sentence - Bravo! Great scene.

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    1. Thank you Wisper :-) It was a fun challenge to work with.

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  11. 'm so sorry i didnt comment this until now. I've read it several times.

    I like how you made herand the dress interactive characters that the reader could follow as if they were a power couple.

    This is a great piece that not only carries the active voice well, but it's creative in craft. welldone.

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  12. Thanks Lance, Not to worry... after all you were living it up at Disney! :-)

    Seriously, thanks for checking it out, and letting me know what it is you like about it, it's always appreciated.

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I appreciate your comments, and constructive criticism is welcome!

“To bring anything into your life, imagine that it's already there.”

- Richard Bach

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