For Friday, a short challenge. Below are three fairly generic passive phrases. Your goal is to make them active in a short scene, either fiction or non-fiction. You can choose one, two, or all three to play with, but you only have 100 words.
- [he/she/I] was devastated by [...]
- [feeling] was experienced by [...]
- [person/thing] was possessed by [...]
Shopping Sasha
Tailor-made for her, every inch of the silky dress possessed her
body. Soft ripples of blue draped her shoulders, plunged just below mounds of
creamy flesh, and rested on well-rounded hips. Sasha's experience with
seduction devastated her prey.
"I'll take it," she said to the clerk, smoothing
long fingers over the fabric.
Her intentions were to have whatever it was she wanted, and
tonight she would, over sips of white wine by the Malibu shores. By morning,
the slice of property that belonged to Carl Hagean would be hers, for only half of
what it was worth.
"Perfect," she smiled.
oh, I might have to try this!
ReplyDeleteYou would do splendidly, I am sure!
DeleteYour writing is so descriptive, I almost want to close my eyes while reading to focus on the images!
ReplyDeleteOf course, that would hinder my continued reading somewhat, I suppose...
If you figure that trick out t, we have a whole different writing avenue to peruse! Thank you.
DeleteGod, I know that feeling, when you are lucky enough to find a piece of clothing like that. I loved the wonderful description of seduction, self, body as a tool, a means to an end.
ReplyDeleteThank you whispatory... love that name :-)
DeleteHm, a classic femme fatale. :-) Woe is the man who crosses her path.
ReplyDeleteOh, I like her. And I love the description of that dress, and how she works it.
ReplyDeleteHeheh, I'm glad you like her Nancy. She's one I would like to expand... she sounds like she could be interesting to develop.
DeleteI love the idea of seduction and temptation. She certainly had a plan for execution and the confidence to pull it off. Conniving, for sure. Great story.
ReplyDeleteThank you Gina. Confidence she has. I can't help but wonder what might happen to her if she fell in love ;-)
DeleteSo many layers of meaning in there. :) FWIW, the second paragraph you switched back to passive voice. Deliberate?
ReplyDeleteNot so sure it was deliberate as much as it seems that the subject is her intent, and she is taking direct action toward that desire. If this is passive, can you give me an example of it in active form, and explain to me why it is? Thank you much for the feedback.
DeleteThe story captivated right from the start till the end.
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to read it :-)
DeleteLove this! The imagery is perfect.
ReplyDeleteMy concrit would be re: "Her intentions were to have whatever it was she wanted, and tonight she would, over sips of white wine by the Malibu shores."
While there's nothing technically wrong with it, I think it would read stronger if it was rephrased, say "She intended to have what she wanted over sips of white wine by the Malibu shores." or something similar. The "whatever" weakens the idea a little, I think.
Great take on the prompt!
Thank you Shelton, I like that, and appreciate the concrit immensely.
DeleteNice imaginary!
ReplyDeleteThank you Cathy :-)
DeleteShe's definitely intriguing trouble. And love the conniving in a blue dress, since such women are almost always painted red or black.
ReplyDeleteThank you Cameron. I think the blue makes it easier for her, don't you? :-)
DeleteI like how the dress possessed her as if it were another character in this scene. Plus working in the other two phrases in the same sentence - Bravo! Great scene.
ReplyDeleteThank you Wisper :-) It was a fun challenge to work with.
Delete'm so sorry i didnt comment this until now. I've read it several times.
ReplyDeleteI like how you made herand the dress interactive characters that the reader could follow as if they were a power couple.
This is a great piece that not only carries the active voice well, but it's creative in craft. welldone.
Thanks Lance, Not to worry... after all you were living it up at Disney! :-)
ReplyDeleteSeriously, thanks for checking it out, and letting me know what it is you like about it, it's always appreciated.