Glimpses

Monday, June 11, 2012

Dark Alley (Trifecta)

Dark Alley~

Wet cardboard houses hid
three gunshots down the alley.
Too dark to see.
Soul-blood mingled with asphalt
became black
like night
fenced in brick
void of light
cold city cries
another dies.




Trifecta's rules are listed verbatim ;-) (that's my way of giving credit and making sure you get it straight too;-)


This week's word is:

ALLEY (noun) 

1: a garden or park walk bordered by trees or bushes
2a (1) : a grassed enclosure for bowling or skittles
     (2) : a hardwood lane for bowling; also : a room or building housing a group of such lanes
  b : the space on each side of a tennis doubles court between the sideline and the service sideline
  c : an area in a baseball outfield between two outfielders when they are in normal positions
3: a narrow street; especially : a thoroughfare through the middle of a block giving access to the rear of lots or buildings

Please remember:
·                     Your response must be between 33 and 333 words.
·                     You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post.
·                     The word itself needs to be included in your response.
·                     You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above. 
·                     Your post must include a link back to Trifecta.
·                     Please submit your post's permalink, not the main page of your blog. For example: http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/2012/03/trifextra-week-eight.html not http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/.
·                     You may only submit one post per blog per challenge.
Good luck, and we'll see you back on Friday! 

36 comments:

  1. This is awesome!! I loved it.

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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  2. In so few words you packed a unforgettable setting, feel, and imagery.

    Soul blood and asphalt? Im slayed

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    1. Thank you Lance. It felt good to exercise my Trifecta fingers :-)

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  3. powerful, vivid imagery. love it, i do :)

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    1. Thank you Rashmenon (what an interesting name :-)

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  4. excellent. dark, foreboding, great use of sound and flow. Good stuff

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    1. A great compliment from you... thank you:-)

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  5. That *is* dark! I liked that you started with wet cardboard houses; it does a great job setting the scene.

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  6. Concise and powerful. The last few lines read choppy... each is abrupt. It adds so much to the tone of the piece.

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I appreciate the input.

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  7. very nice - taut, tense, well-paced

    http://uslayme.wordpress.com/2012/06/12/alley-oops-4/

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    1. Oh your name is perfect for this week's challenge! ;-)

      Thank you for stopping by.

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  8. You painted the picture well (and illustrated the main reason I avoid alleys in even daylight :))

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    1. I do too, for the most part... at least city alleys. When you get into a rural area it is more like a backyard coffee shop ;-)

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  9. You captured the "way" of some alleys. It's sad but it is reality.

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    1. The first alleys I saw were like this one Gina. I have seen many since then... but this type of image sticks.

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  10. Jam-packed and vivid imagery--this IS alley #3--

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  11. I also wrote about cardboard houses, although your piece is much more haunting and will stay with me all morning as I sit in my own home with my creature comforts. Nicely done.

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    1. I went over to your place to read about your cardboard houses. It was a nice way to see what can happen when two very different worlds collide.

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  12. The sharp images of an alley at night, with no living component besides the gunshots and blood made this very powerful to me.

    I'd forgotten how skilled the trifecta crowd was!

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    1. Thank you El Guapo. I appreciate the input.

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  13. This is so crisp. I understood everything about the alley. I felt the temperature. I could see the light. I could smell the death. Great job!

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    1. Now that is figurative language at work! :-) Thank you for peeking in. Your feedback is important to me.

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  14. Dark and creepy. You've made this alley into a malevolent force.

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    1. Thank you Carrie, I love the word malevolent! :-)

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  15. I'm with Lance - I love the "soul blood mingled with asphalt." I also *really* love the image of "night fenced in brick." Gorgeous.

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    1. Thank you for letting me know what parts spoke to you, it's helpful :-)

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  16. Thanks for linking up with Trifecta this week. In your short piece, there's a lot to love. But for me, it's the first two lines that seal the deal. I, too, like the short, choppy nature of this piece. It keeps you on your toes, which is exactly where you should be for a place like this. Hope to see you back soon.

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    1. Thank you, the setting was imperative if I was going to be able to pull this off in 33 words.

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  17. YES -- soul-blood is an excellent description. I like how it captures the idea of not just the loss of life, but the loss of identity.

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    1. Thank you Jessie. It is stronger than just blood, or even deep dark blood... I appreciate you coming by to read it and respond.

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I appreciate your comments, and constructive criticism is welcome!

“To bring anything into your life, imagine that it's already there.”

- Richard Bach

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