Dark
Alley~
Wet
cardboard houses hid
three
gunshots down the alley.
Too
dark to see.
Soul-blood
mingled with asphalt
became
black
like
night
fenced
in brick
void
of light
cold
city cries
another
dies.
Trifecta's
rules are listed verbatim ;-) (that's my way of giving credit and making sure
you get it straight too;-)
This
week's word is:
ALLEY (noun)
ALLEY (noun)
1:
a garden or park walk bordered by trees or bushes
2a (1) : a grassed enclosure for bowling or skittles
2a (1) : a grassed enclosure for bowling or skittles
(2) : a hardwood lane for bowling; also : a room or building
housing a group of such lanes
b : the space on each side of a tennis doubles court between the sideline and
the service sideline
c : an area in a baseball
outfield between two outfielders when they are in normal positions
3: a narrow street; especially : a thoroughfare through the middle of a block giving access to the rear of lots or buildings
Please remember:
3: a narrow street; especially : a thoroughfare through the middle of a block giving access to the rear of lots or buildings
Please remember:
·
Your response must be
between 33 and 333 words.
·
You must use the 3rd
definition of the given word in your post.
·
The word itself needs
to be included in your response.
·
You may not use a
variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above.
·
Your post must include
a link back to Trifecta.
·
Please submit your
post's permalink, not the main page of your blog. For example:
http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/2012/03/trifextra-week-eight.html
not http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/.
·
You may only submit
one post per blog per challenge.
Good luck, and we'll see you back on
Friday!
This is awesome!! I loved it.
ReplyDeleteKathy
http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com
Thank you Kathy :-)
DeleteIn so few words you packed a unforgettable setting, feel, and imagery.
ReplyDeleteSoul blood and asphalt? Im slayed
Thank you Lance. It felt good to exercise my Trifecta fingers :-)
Deletepowerful, vivid imagery. love it, i do :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Rashmenon (what an interesting name :-)
Deleteexcellent. dark, foreboding, great use of sound and flow. Good stuff
ReplyDeleteA great compliment from you... thank you:-)
DeleteThat *is* dark! I liked that you started with wet cardboard houses; it does a great job setting the scene.
ReplyDeleteThanks Annabelle, it is dark indeed.
DeleteYou set a chilling scene.
ReplyDeleteThank you Tara :-)
DeleteConcise and powerful. The last few lines read choppy... each is abrupt. It adds so much to the tone of the piece.
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to read and respond. I appreciate the input.
Deletevery nice - taut, tense, well-paced
ReplyDeletehttp://uslayme.wordpress.com/2012/06/12/alley-oops-4/
Oh your name is perfect for this week's challenge! ;-)
DeleteThank you for stopping by.
You painted the picture well (and illustrated the main reason I avoid alleys in even daylight :))
ReplyDeleteI do too, for the most part... at least city alleys. When you get into a rural area it is more like a backyard coffee shop ;-)
DeleteYou captured the "way" of some alleys. It's sad but it is reality.
ReplyDeleteThe first alleys I saw were like this one Gina. I have seen many since then... but this type of image sticks.
DeleteJam-packed and vivid imagery--this IS alley #3--
ReplyDelete:-) Thank you so much!
DeleteI also wrote about cardboard houses, although your piece is much more haunting and will stay with me all morning as I sit in my own home with my creature comforts. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteI went over to your place to read about your cardboard houses. It was a nice way to see what can happen when two very different worlds collide.
DeleteThe sharp images of an alley at night, with no living component besides the gunshots and blood made this very powerful to me.
ReplyDeleteI'd forgotten how skilled the trifecta crowd was!
Thank you El Guapo. I appreciate the input.
DeleteThis is so crisp. I understood everything about the alley. I felt the temperature. I could see the light. I could smell the death. Great job!
ReplyDeleteNow that is figurative language at work! :-) Thank you for peeking in. Your feedback is important to me.
DeleteDark and creepy. You've made this alley into a malevolent force.
ReplyDeleteThank you Carrie, I love the word malevolent! :-)
DeleteI'm with Lance - I love the "soul blood mingled with asphalt." I also *really* love the image of "night fenced in brick." Gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteThank you for letting me know what parts spoke to you, it's helpful :-)
DeleteThanks for linking up with Trifecta this week. In your short piece, there's a lot to love. But for me, it's the first two lines that seal the deal. I, too, like the short, choppy nature of this piece. It keeps you on your toes, which is exactly where you should be for a place like this. Hope to see you back soon.
ReplyDeleteThank you, the setting was imperative if I was going to be able to pull this off in 33 words.
DeleteYES -- soul-blood is an excellent description. I like how it captures the idea of not just the loss of life, but the loss of identity.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jessie. It is stronger than just blood, or even deep dark blood... I appreciate you coming by to read it and respond.
Delete