Glimpses

Monday, February 27, 2012

Some Imagination


Billy knew he was not supposed to cut across the field to get to Seventh Avenue, but he could not figure out why. There were only two things in the middle of that field: the tall oak tree that looked like had been there for at least a hundred years, and a small white house that his friends told him was haunted.

"I don't believe in ghosts!" he said out loud to no one.

"Besides I have my sling shot in my back pocket, and no ghost can get me quicker than I can get a rock into his head" he said as he filled his front pocket with marble sized chunks of rocks.

Sun poured over her silhouette. He was far enough away that he could tell that her hair was the same colour as his Grammy's, but her face was saggy, and there were lines all over it. Billy's Grammy's face was smooth, with lines in some places, but not like this face. This face was wretched.

Billy drew his slingshot back, placed the largest rock he had in his pocket on the band and took aim. Just as he was ready to let the rock fly, she spoke.

"Billy Johnson put that slingshot down and come over here right now!" she screamed.

"Aw mom, you told me to go outside and play, that's what I was doin" he said as he shuffled his feet, kicking up little dust clouds with each step.

The lines on her face melted into soft, supple skin as he got closer to her. She smelled like fresh raspberries and sun-dried linen.

"I was gonna kick some ghost butt Mom" he sighed.

"You can go back and after you have lunch, but you leave that sling shot here with me" she said with a smile.


In response to Trifecta's Weekly Challenge #16

24 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I really enjoyed this nice little exerpt. My favorite line: She smelled like fresh raspberries and sun-dried linen. Very nice! :)

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    2. Thank you... it was a fun write to work with :-)

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  2. I was sure for a minute this was all about me, the wretched face and all!
    Good job, Missy! ♥

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    1. Oh my friend, that is so far from the truth ;-) ♥

      Thank you Jo!

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  3. Lovely! I really like the way you portray the imagination of a child here. Really nice.

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    1. Hi Kelly :-) Thank you! I think I still am a child on the inside.

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  4. I am taking notes. You seem to have the art of MG writing down pat, and all I can say is how envious I am of your talent.

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    1. Weissdorn,

      What a kind thing to say. Lately, I have been in a frame of mind that allows my young male characters to drive the stories. I'm enjoying the journey.

      You have nothing to be envious of though, your writing is very good. Thank you.

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  5. Replies
    1. Heheheh... yep, Momma wasn't letting him get away with that slingshot! :-) Thanks for stopping by guapola.

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  6. Nice response to the challenge. That one sounds like fun.

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  7. I love the deceptive foreshadowing, how he turns his Mom into the ghost. "I was gonna kick some ghost butt, Mom" is great.
    http://jesterqueen.com

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    1. Thanks Jester Queen, I had fun with the challenge, and I enjoy twists. It was nice of you to stop by and check it out. :-)

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  8. Nice scene! Well done. Glad you found my blog, as I'm happily following you now. Am going to fry that A to z challenge and maybe that will get me back to my fiction.

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    1. By "fry" Sandra, do you mean not take part in it? I thought about it pretty hard before I decided to take part, but I am looking forward to the anxiety pressed rush it will provide. LOL.

      Nice to have another blogging friend in this cyber-wide community!

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  9. Playful! Not what I'd expect from "wretched," and I like that.

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    1. :-) I'm just a big kid inside ya see! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and stuck around to tell me so. Thank you Nicole.

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  10. Thanks for joining up, November Rain. This is a great little episode, brilliantly told. It's never easy taking the reader into the mind of a child, but you've really nailed it in this one. I hope he gets his sling back...

    Hope you can join us for the weekend challenge as well.

    If you have a couple of minutes, the ‘Meet Your Fellow Trifectans’ tab on the site gives you the chance to get to know a bit about the other writers who take part and also gives you a chance to introduce yourself to them.

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    1. Thank you, I will take some time to do that today. I have been clicking on pages of participants already, via comments. I love to see what people do with the challenges.

      Count me in for the weekend, the 33 word challenge last weekend was fun. It's nice that you took some time to stop by and say hello.

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  11. Awww! I liked this piece too. My son has been through a number of slingshots:) I also loved the raspberry/linen line. That was great.

    I'm curious as to why you don't use a comma at the end of your lines of dialogue, before the quotation marks? Hmmm . . .

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    1. Thank you for stopping in.

      LOL, preference I suppose on the commas. Dialogue speaks differently to me than the rest of the writing, and it wasn't until recently that I even added periods at the end of the sentence in the dialogue. If it is distracting people from reading it then I will need to make an adjustment.

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I appreciate your comments, and constructive criticism is welcome!

“To bring anything into your life, imagine that it's already there.”

- Richard Bach

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