Glimpses

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Waiting (Friday Fictioneers)

FRIDAY FICTIONEERS is a place where “writers are encouraged to be as innovative as possible with the prompt and 100 word constraints” (Rochelle Wisoff). 

THE CHALLENGE is to write a one hundred word story that has a beginning, middle and end. (No one will be ostracized for going over or under the word count.)



Copyright – Danny Bowman

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Here's my one hundred: Waiting

She sat on the curb staring at the wet pavement between her white Keds. He said he would call between 2:30 and 3:00, but it was already 3:13 and he hadn’t called yet. She was sure he told her to use the payphone on the corner of 5th and Normady, the one with the sticker that said “Old School Dirt” near the receiver. 

“How many phones could there be with that sticker on it?” She said aloud, as she fought the anxiety that was building an arsenal of its own in her chest. 

Ring.

She answered “Yes, yes, I’m here.”

k~

10 comments:

  1. I like the idea of anxiety building an arsenal that it would presumably fire at her at the most inopportune moments. I did wonder whether you want this: “Ring” she answered “Yes, yes, I’m here", which is saying she said the word "ring" or if the phone is ringing which would more likely be written:

    Ring.

    She answered, "Yes..." (or it could be written all in one paragraph.

    Glad he finally called.

    janet

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    Replies
    1. Janet,

      Thank you for the feedback. It was really late (or should I say early) when I put this one together and I just missed it. I feel better now.

      k~

      Delete
  2. Nice job with anticipation. Sure glad it ended well.

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  3. Dear K,
    I love a happy ending. Nice one.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Rochelle. I appreciate happy endings myself.

      k~

      Delete
  4. As always k~, I am dumbfounded by your talent. Love!

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  5. great description - but I'm such a cynic about relationships. I didn't want her to answer and let him know she'd waited that long. Bad signal that he can keep her waiting & she doesn't have a life of her own. (Just letting you know that you drew me into the story! ;) ) -j

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for the response. It might have been fun to have her walk away at precisely 3pm too. You are right it tells a bit about the character's sense of self. Could also be a starting point for a character's growth potential (in a longer story). I'm glad it drew you in.

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I appreciate your comments, and constructive criticism is welcome!

“To bring anything into your life, imagine that it's already there.”

- Richard Bach

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